29 Words or Less

Department of Lands tells developer "Go Fish!"

2007-05-22T19:29:00.000-07:00

In a case of “Deus ex Machina”
The DOL axed Holland’s marina,
As fish too small to fry,
Raised a public outcry,
When the “Big Fish” trashed their arena!

Story here: State rejects developer's marina plans

Blue Mountain Mystery

2007-05-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

In those Washington mountains of Blue
There’s sign of a Bigfoot or two,
They leave tracks of a size,
That makes folks realize,
The rest must be pretty big too!

Story here: Data on Sasquatch Piling Up

Police Retrospective

2007-05-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a quick retrospective of the last 10 months of many, but not all, Spokane Police news highlights.

Otto Fatality
In memory of poor Otto Zehm,
The official prognosis is grim,
If a plastic bottle’s enough,
To make cops get rough,
We all could end up like him!

Story here: Fatal Confrontation between Spokane Police and Otto Zehm

Barista Flasher
There’s a Spokane detective Mastel,
With a theory on wooing a belle,
You start acting silly,
Then whip out your willy,
But in practice it ain’t working well!

Story here: A public servant with backbone? Imagine that!

WSP Trick or Treat
In DUI’s there’s quite a chink,
For girls who both drive and drink,
‘Cause a young woman child,
Who’ll act Girls Gone Wild,
Can get herself off with a wink!

Story here: Charges against trooper detailed
and here: Trooper to lose vacation days

Firehouse Fiasco
Two detectives deleted the pics,
That showed a fireman gettin’ his kicks,
Now the girl claims she’s screwed,
And their all getting’ sued,
For the tricks with the pics by the Dicks!

Story here: No charges to be filed in firehouse sex case

Cowboy Cops
In Spokane the young calf came to grief,
Who crossed the fence for grazing relief,
Two cops used their taser,
And French Fried the grazer,
Now the calf’s just barbecued beef!

Story here: Judge reverses herself in calf tasering

Shopping Cart Sociopaths

2007-05-20T11:57:00.000-07:00

There’s a secret rogue shopping cartel,
With shopping cart etiquette fell,
They leave carts everywhere,
With carte blanche savoir faire,
And a wake of door dings in their trail!

Racism: When victims become victimizers

2007-05-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Not What Martin Luther King Jr. Meant

‘Neath the guise of PC contentment,
Lies mainstream indignant resentment,
As minorities flaunt
Their new freedom to taunt
-Grapes of wrath grow taut with fermentment.

Story here: Kathleen Parker:The black and white of racist culture

Spokane Police: What are you thinking?

2007-05-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Writers Note: In writing limericks about social misbehavior it seems that a disproportionate amount of my effort is spent on the "Spokane" Police (i.e. SPD, Sheriff's Dept., & WSP). This is not due to a personal bias, but an unfortunate result of area law enforcement dominating recent news with suspicious - sometimes deadly - behavior. In fairness, I have supported both Ozzie Knezovich and Ann Kirkpatrick for their respective stances on police misconduct, as pieces from earlier this year(Anne, Ozzie) illustrate, and hope to continue doing so. Based on the information presently available about the latest police fatality however, this certainly looks like a "What are you thinking?" moment for both of them.
While I'm in favor of law enforcement, and would much rather ridicule dumb criminal behavior than dumb cop behavior, as one local blogger said, "Man...cops up here scare the crap out of me..."(Spokane County Police Tactics Claims 2nd Victim). It's my belief that the best support the public can give good police is to call "BS" on unacceptable behavior - and coverup attempts - until the internal culture that has allowed this type of conduct to thrive is eradicated, and the standing of area law enforcement is restored to one of "respect" versus "fear". In the meantime....

Hogtidings

2007-05-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

In a bizarre little hogtirade,
Spokane’s finest are acting dismayed,
Seems “hogtie’s” not PC,
For harsh hogtyranny,
Hence the knotty wordplay charade!

Story here: Drop the use of 'hogtie', police ask

A Rope by Any Other Name...

2007-05-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Spokane’s finest now choose to decry,
The standard use of the word “hogtie”,
"To 'Hobble' or 'Restrain',
Are terms more humane,
For this barbaric technique we apply!"

Story here: Drop the use of 'hogtie' police ask

Blogs-R-Us!

2007-05-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Opinion columns once were the domain,
Of great writers like S.F.'s Herb Caen,
But as Blogging has spread,
The world of Op-Ed,
Means anyone with half a brain!

Story here: Now Blurkers Have Own Hate-Blog Rap Anthem
Lyric by MC Frontalot: I Hate Your Blog

White House ignores Wolfowitz's huffing and puffing

2007-05-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

If the White House is getting cold feet,
Then Wolfowitz is marked for defeat,
Those world piggy bank squeals,
Set him back on his heels,
And now the big bad Wolf's in retreat!

Story here: White House Support for Wolfowitz Wavers

Cop-Out!

2007-05-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

The Famous have a famous refrain,
"Off to re-hab" is how they explain,
Any public misstep,
And thus salvage their rep-
But with cops, the cop-out's "re-train"!

Story here: Lawyer: Death shows more training needed

Reasonable Force? Of Course!

2007-05-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

Deputies Bonney, Wall, Criswell, and Cook,
Apprehended Trent Yohe the crook,
Now the Sheriff commends,
And their technique defends,
-Guess they kicked him to death by the book!

Story here: Questions follow suspect's death

Fiddling while Paris burns?

2007-05-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton's a gauge analytic,
Of the state of the body politic,
Her antics fatigue us,
Yet somehow intrigue us,
We've become a host Parisitic!

Story here: Leonard Pitts Jr.: Don't cry for Paris Hilton

Come Hillary or High Water

2007-05-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

There once was a woman named Clinton,
And the campaign trail she went on,
Saying, "I'd sell my soul,
In part or in whole,
'Cause it's the oval office I'm bent on!"

Caption: New York's top D's endorse Hillary

Puhlease!

2007-05-14T00:38:00.000-07:00

Before police misbehavior will cease,
The policy for policing police,
must cop to a plea,
of suspect policy,
When only the police police police!

Story here: Suspect tasered in altercation dies
Quote: "Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich activated his department’s “fatal incident protocol,” which calls for an independent investigation by another police agency. The Spokane Police Department is investigating. "

I, Unborn

2007-05-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

(Note: The following is not a limerick.)

I,
the condemned,
await my fate alone.
My head gripped by the mask
that hides my face from those who
hold the instruments of my destruction.
Lest they should glimpse the humanity in my eyes
and in that last moment falter and relent
in their determination to punish me
for my crime of inconvenience.
So, like an executioners hood
The womb covers my face,
and my cry goes
unheard.

Related article on the Supreme Court partial birth abortion ruling: Court Takes Civilizing Step

PC pressure mounts for rappers

2007-05-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

Those Gangsta rappers making G-rap,
Are now caught in a PC t-rap,
'Cause if naughty goes B-grade,
The bad-boy cred will d-grade,
Either way, they'll be spouting c-rap!

Story here: Record chiefs silent as debate grows over rap lyrics

Spokane Crime Wave

2007-05-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

Criminal acts show steady increase,
The abuse and the shootings won't cease,
Peeping toms, DUI's,
But the worst of the rise-
Is that this is just from the police!

Story here: WSP arrests off-duty cop; refusal to take field sobriety test results in automatic DUI arrest

Drop-Out Statistics: Getting Away With Murder

2007-05-11T14:16:00.000-07:00

The State drop-out rates lack any cred,
Because kids must report that they've fled,
So the numbers look good,
Just like murder stat's would,
Where the vic's must report themselves dead!

Story here: Dropout rates revised upward

XXX: Good Intentions - Bad Psychology

2007-05-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

The motion picture rating's a tool,
To keep violence and sex as a rule,
From young innocent eyes,
But with Cig's it's unwise-
'Cause it's certain to make smoking cool!

Story here: Sex, violence, and now smoking

Gregoire Lowers the Bar

2007-05-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

The Washington school system's broken,
So Gregoire is busy revokin',
WASL standards alas,
'Cause for most of the class,
The diploma's largely a token!

Story here: Gregoire put's WASL's math, science portions on hold.

R. Kelly Raps on 5 Years Later

2007-05-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

#1
For R. Kelly kid porn's no downfall,
As for five years his trial's in a stall,
But for justice we know,
The wheels sometimes turn slow-
But other times they don't turn at all!
#2
Kelly's porn charge created a flap,
But for five years he's skirted the trap,
With the lengthy delay,
Will the piper he pay,
Or will Kelly be beating the rap?

Story here: Still No Trial Date for Singer R. Kelly

WSP winks at trooper's "tit for tat" DUI swap

2007-05-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

WSP credibility bleeds,
As state troopers trade tickets for deeds,
That - bribe or coercion -
Still smack of perversion,
Let's just issue them Mardi Gras beads!

Story here: Haas' angst no jiggling, er, giggling matter

Footnote:

2007-05-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

My travels over the last several days took me to the beautiful Clearwater river region of Idaho where I found myself literally "up the creek" with regards to both internet service and news access. It was a pleasant but unexpected disruption to discover there are still places where hotels lack internet capabilities and cell phone service is Verizon or nothing. Who knew?

The Plight of the Honeybee

2007-05-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

All those vanishing bee colonies,
Should head the list of urgent queries,
'Cause if they don't survive,
How will we stay alive,
In a world sans the birds and the bees?

Story here: Honeybee Die-off Threatens Food Supply

U of W: Speaker for hire, must be famous!

2007-05-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

By a mystery speaker betrayed,
The U of Dub's commencement's waylaid,
And until they acquire,
A new speaker for hire,
They're at a loss for words, I'm afraid!

Story here: Wanted, Commencement speaker, must be famous

DEQ: Aquifer Mousketeers

2007-05-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

So now DEQ gets aggressive,
Out levying fines most impressive,
But when BNSF leaked,
3000 gallons they squeaked,
"Please don't be so waste expressive."

Compare story here: Alleged dumper facing big fine (May 3/2007)
to story here: BNSF cleared to reopen fuel depot (May 10/2005)

Cop Tickets Samaritans

2007-05-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

"The trophy for callous - I'd own it,"
Said a cop in Twin Falls, "I've shown it-
I wrote tickets with pride,
At a fresh suicide-
My heart has a hole like a donut!"

Story here: Canoeists who pulled suicide victim to shore ticketed

Police Fatalities: Statistical Anomally?

2007-05-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

Just consider our cop shooting spree,
as a cluster statistically,
Yet while some seem OK,
A good portion are gray,
Yes, it looks like a "cluster" to me!

Story here: Police shootings occur in clusters

Chinese Chow

2007-05-03T00:26:00.000-07:00

The Chinese production machine,
Makes food that portends to be clean,
A few thousand dead pets?
Make a bow - send regrets,
But keep feedin' that pork melamine!

Story here: Food safety fears swell beyond pets

FDA to stop playing games?

2007-05-03T00:25:00.000-07:00

While the game is stopping health wreckers,
The FDA has rubberneckers,
But with tainted pet chow -
Even they can see now,
That it's time for some Chinese checkers!

Story here: FDA knew of contamination problems

Where There's Smoke...

2007-05-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

All you Idaho breathers beware,
‘Cause prairie grass could once again flare,
Seems that smoke’s still legit,
If the state will permit,
Now if Boise would just clear the air!

Story here: Field burning may resume

Leonard Pitts Jr: Racism OK for "non-bullies"?

2007-05-02T00:23:00.000-07:00

All minorities Leonard acquits,
As his rule for behavior permits,
Those not straight, male, or white,
A free license to slight,
Leonard – your rule is the Pitts!

Story here: Following rules in a crass world

Donation Frustration

2007-05-01T00:34:00.000-07:00

Can elections be democratic,
When campaigns need gifts so dramatic,
And for sponsors preferred,
Pol's are bent so backward,
To kiss cheeks they wax acrobatic?

Story here: Court takes new look at campaign finance

Olympia:NIMBY

2007-05-01T00:11:00.000-07:00

Olympia still thinks us handy,
For dumping offenders most randy,
The state project is nice,
-If we ignore the price-
How ‘bout it Spokane-want some candy?”

Story here: Spokane to be home, where the perverts roam

Where's Osama bin Hidin'?

2007-04-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

'Though it's easy to soon grow weary,
Of each new conspiracy theory,
The question downtrodden,
Is "Where is Bin Laden?"
It's GW that I'd like to query!

Left Lane Loafers

2007-04-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

On I90 we need to explain,
It's for passing we use the left lane,
Now that's not time or gas-
But it's cars that we pass,
If you loaf in the left you're a pain!

Living the American Nightmare

2007-04-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

Warren Buffet's a realist devout,
And as such has been known to tout,
That debt should be viewed,
Like a swim in the nude,
-It's fun ‘til the tide goes out!

Related story: Home flipping is a flop

Lost Cause?

2007-04-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

Now the Congress has said what it's said,
That our troops from Iraq should be lead,
But a veto is near,
Can George Bush only hear,
The voices inside his own head?

Story here: Congress tells Bush to bring troops home

Richard Scrushy Reborn?

2007-04-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

The TV preachin' bit's a new game,
For Rich Scrushy of scandalous fame,
Though fined $81 mil,
He's out preachin' with weal,
-He might give this new trade a bad name!

Story here: Scrushy settles accounting fraud suit for $81 million
and here: Ex-Health South CEO Walks

Avista: Profits Down - Rates Up

2007-04-27T00:07:00.001-07:00

Avista is a true money pit,
Where salaries are more than legit,
And the rate-payer role,
Is to fill up the hole,
Without ever complaining one bit!

Story here: Avista wants 16 percent rate increase

O Captain, My Captain?

2007-04-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Like a captain who's charting her fate,
Hillary plots to be head-of-state,
If she's granted her will,
Then does that make Bill,
An admiral - or just the First Mate?

Story here: Clinton Says Husband Would Be Ambassador

Let's Toast those Burgers

2007-04-26T00:24:00.000-07:00

Hudson's Hamburgers is grown quite old,
100 years of burgers they've sold,
For just buns and meat,
It's a show hard to beat,
-May their griddle then never grow cold!

Story here: 100 years of Hudsons

Wolf Whistle

2007-04-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

At World Bank they cannot ignore,
How Wolfowitz chanced to explore,
Some assets most physical,
But now that they're quizzical,
He's howlin' - 'cause the Wolf's at the door!

Story here: World Bank committe rejects Wolfowitz hearing - lawyer
and here: Wolfowitz scandal is a lesson

The House That D'vain Built

2007-04-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Of Cd'A tycoons there's one,
Who's been building a house in the sun,
But now as remarks stir up,
It's said even in Europe,
"Vat has d'vain Haga done?"

Story Here: Bringing sprawl to California
and here: UK article- Mansion shatters calm of California

Limerick Note: Of the various types of limerick, this a style known to some enthusiasts as a "Beecher", because the first of its' type was penned by Oliver Wendell Holmes for his friend, Henry Ward Beecher. The object of the limerick being to conceal the name of the subject in the body- usually in the last line. Oliver Wendell Holmes' original goes:

The hen is an elegant creature
Said the great Congregationist preacher:
The hen, for all that
Laid an egg in his hat --
Thus did the hen reward Beecher.

Well Endowed: Poet Laureate

2007-04-24T00:24:00.000-07:00

A Washington poet did say,
As his savings dwindled away,
"I could use a stipend,
From an art loving friend,
'Cause it seems that rhyme doesn't pay!"

Story here: 'A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou?'
and here: Democrats turn wish list into reality (see: Poet Laureate)

Ethical Dilemma

2007-04-24T00:23:00.001-07:00

Red Vs. Blue

In Washington each party rips,
The other for ethical slips,
While mudslingers rejoice,
For the voter the choice,
Is like picking the Bloods or the Crips!

Story here: Ethics problem dims GOP hopes of comeback

Breaking News!!!

2007-04-23T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, 29 Words fans! We received some good press today. Check out Spokesman Review correspondent Frank Sennett's Rhyme time's prime time for limerick blogs article here!

If you're visiting 29 Words for the first time, "Welcome!". The 29 Words goal is to redefine the limerick as a vehicle for the humorous critique of social/political topics. On occasion, a few "just-for-fun" pieces are included as well. Finally, since there is no political agenda, 29 Words is an "equal opportunity annoyer", with topics dictated by the daily news. The hope is to bring both a chuckle and a pause for thought at the same time. Enjoy! Andy

RBucks

2007-04-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Since Starbuck's came on the scene,
They've changed the world of caffeine,
Now all over town,
We're addicted to brown,
'Cause they're addicted to green!

Story here: Starbuck's is a hit

Loco Parentis?

2007-04-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Seems political parties are styled,
Like a custody battle gone wild,
Where the "parents" sole goal,
Becomes keeping control,
To the complete neglect of the child!

Grand Theft Auto

2007-04-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

If Spokane were still the Old West,
We could lay those horse thieves to rest,
But now car thefts persist,
'Cause a slap on the wrist,
Is no match for a good necktie fest!

Story here: Auto thefts up sharply last year

Alberto Gonzales: D.C. Law

2007-04-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

........Just Politics

Now the AG from favor does fall,
For allowing a partisan pall,
To descend - and disgust us,
'Cause with partisan justice,
There is really no justice at all!

Story here: Gonzales: Firings Were Justified

California Reamin'

2007-04-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Palm Desert feels distress and dismay,
Because Hagadone's gotten his way,
With sweet talk and lies,
Can Idaho sympathize?
"Here, have a geranium bouquet!"

Story here: Battling the monster on the hill

RIM Shot

2007-04-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Seems the tech world has no fallback,
For a sudden Blackberry lack,
On the thumb we've become,
So dependent we're dumb,
Whenever the Berry's go black!

Stories: Blackberry Service Being Restored
.........Blackberry System Failure Snarls Service

School of Hard Knocks

2007-04-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

It seems College lenders have earned,
Big bucks from those students they've burned,
As with loans overpriced,
The incautious were iced,
- Well, the first lesson's learned!

Story here: Student loan scandal pushes Congress to act

Avista: Profit Outage Doesn't Dim VIP Compensation

2007-04-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

At Avista there's shocking abuse,
As V.I.P comp is quite loose,
And from the rate-payer sucks,
Some megawatt bucks,
For the fat cats feeling the juice!

When Avista's traders had losses,
The rate-payers carried the crosses,
But though regulated,
When profits were stated,
The rewards all went to the bosses!

Stories here: Avista profits diminished by trading subsidiary
Avista execs get big bumps in 2006 salary

A few for the Critics

2007-04-19T00:52:00.000-07:00

As the suitability of limericks as a vehicle for serious topics continues to be debated by the Spokesman Review, here, here, and here, vs. being solely conscripted by bawdy humor or raw wit, it only seems fair to add a few more thoughts - for fun.

Now some will call limericks a waste,
And others find them lacking in taste,
But 'til this sort of rhyme,
Is a capital crime,
I am happy to write lower caste!

It seems Puns are a challenging lot,
As all of them require some thought,
But the key to a pun,
And to keeping it fun,
Is to strike while the irony's hot!

Joey Crawford hangs up Spurs

2007-04-19T00:37:00.000-07:00

Tim Duncan's ejection for sass,
Has the Ref at odds with the brass,
As the boot most furious,
Was decidedly spurious,
'Cause the zebra was really an ass!

Story here:Referee Crawford suspended for actions toward Duncan ejection

The Limerick Controversy Continues

2007-04-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Spokane Review journalist Dan Webster has also weighed in on the "limerick controversy" in his blog today. Read his positive comments here.

A Time For Grief

2007-04-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

No matter which agenda they back,
And guns -pro or con- they attack,
The timing is lame,
To play the blame game,
While mourners are still dressed in black!

"Dark" Criticism

2007-04-18T00:21:00.000-07:00

While I usually limit posts to the limerick(s) for the day, recently "29 Words or Less" faced both criticism and support in blogs written or moderated by reporters for the Spokesman Review for treatment of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Oddly, the criticism was not because the sensitive topic was mocked or passed off lightly, but rather because it was treated with utmost sincerity and concern for the victims and their families - within the constraints of the limerick medium however - which a few readers felt was an unsuitable format for such condolence.
While I'm in agreement that the limerick has earned the reputation of being the party animal of poetic endeavors, I believe it has an unpretentiousness and versatility that allow it to cover a wide range of topics successfully both with or without humorous content, and do so in a compact sound-bite package. Employed in this fashion the limerick is not unlike a political cartoon vs. a "funnies" comic, a Punch and Judy puppet show, or an old fashioned Nursery Rhyme (often a thin disguise for social or political commentary).
My effort then is to take this bawdy bad boy of prose, dress him in a suit and comb his hair, and put him on a "stage" like a Leno, Letterman, or O'Brien. Ideally the natural, raw, stand-up comic edginess is offset with a measure of intellectual civility and wit resulting in a charmingly unpredictable companion with a dangerous edge. On some days however, when the news is somber beyond belief, wit has to be set aside for sincerity, whether it pleases the critics or not.
The following is another example of a contemplative work in a limerick format. I hope it provokes thought and not offense. Sincerely, Andy.

Our troops have been sent to Iraq,
And some won't be coming back.
As patriots loyal,
Do they toil for oil,
Tradin' pints of red for black?

29 Words is Pilloried!

2007-04-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

The Controversial Limerick!

Serious comics are acceptable style,
Both political and critical while,
The limerick seems cursed,
As unsuitably versed,
If its’ topic is not juvenile!

Lest our history of prose be forgot,
Nursery rhymes are a serious lot,
Though “Ring Around the Rosies” is vague,
It evokes the Black Plague,
Mother Goose- She ought to be shot!

See story: here and here

Virginia Tech Tragedy

2007-04-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Our respects to the missing we pay,
and for all those remaining we pray,
though no words can express,
our heartfelt distress,
for the loss that you've suffered today.

link here: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/breaking/story.asp?ID=9512

Attorney General Gonzales

2007-04-16T04:02:00.000-07:00

General Anesthesia

As the Attorney of highest profile,
Is Gonzales becoming senile?
Or is sudden amnesia,
PR anesthesia,
To numb inquiries during denial?

Alberto "Jaws" Gonzales

For lawyers the shark is a symbol,
And with truth they're taught to be nimble,
So with the U.S. AG,
The biggest fish in that sea,
It's small wonder the man can dissemble!

Link here: 'Hazy memories' cited in attorney firings

Beware the Ides of April

2007-04-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

Each year here in the U.S.,
We share a common distress,
On April 15,
We say "Good-bye" to the green,
and "Hello" to the IRS!

Catholic Settlement: The Guilt Trap

2007-04-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

Collective guilt's a strategic spin,
A ploy to suck innocents in,
'Cause if one must atone,
For knowledge alone,
Is God then guilty of sin?

Story here: Settlement next step in rebuilding diocese

There's a New "Sheriff" In Town

2007-04-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

There's a new top cop in Spokane,
She's a Kirkpatrick named Ann,
With a woman in charge,
Will house cleaning loom large,
Now that Ann is "the Man"?

Story here: Police ombudsman proposed

Heather Locklear - 11 Year Itch

2007-04-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

Heather Locklear divorced Motley Crue,
Now it's quits with Bon Jovi too,
So the next question big,
Is where's the new gig,
The Beatles, the Stones, or the Who?

Heather's a tad sentimental,
For guys who wax instrumental,
But she's canned her rock drummer,
And now exed-out her strummer,
Is this fondness for bands detrimental?

Musicians make Heather quite hot,
With rockers most hard she's besot,
'Cause from Tommy's drumsticks,
To Richie's hot licks,
Band members seem to find her soft spot!

Store here: Heather Locklear & Richie Sambora's Divorce Final
and here: Sambora Blindsided by Locklear's Divorce Announcement

Happy Friday the 13th!

2007-04-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Friday the 13th is here,
But superstitions give me no fear,
With scissors I'll run,
Juggle knives just for fun,
Maybe try catching a s
..............................p
.................................e
....................................a
.......................................r
..........................................
............................................
.............................................!!!!!

If the Spokane Diocese were Enron-

2007-04-12T22:35:00.000-07:00

If the Diocese and Enron were twin,
Each rife with institutional sin,
Would stockholders pay,
To bail out Ken Lay?
Or would Bishops be sent to the pen?

Bishop asked to resign

2007-04-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Skylstad's proposal will make budgets tighter,
And the offering plates 30 Mil lighter,
And now the innocents say,
"Why should we have to pay?
Our Bishop should fall on his mitre!"

The faithful feel strong indignation,
And call for the prompt resignation,
Of the leaders who swept,
'neath the rug so adept,
behavior deserving damnation!

Story here: Bishop Skylstad asked to resign

Catholic frustration runs deep,
With leaders who forced them to keep,
Priests with predilections,
For unnatural affections,
And now are blaming the sheep!

The priests who abused the few,
Now fleece the sheep in the pew,
As the Spokane diocese,
Owes millions in fees,
For things the flock didn't do!

Seems Skylstad excels at the game,
Of shifting the finger of blame,
By saying guilty are "we"-
Which includes laity!
For years of sex abuse shame!

Quote: Office of the Bishop: "We are the perpetrators of the abuse. That "we" is the perceived community of bishops, priests, and laity, in communities over a 50-year period. You may not like being in that "we," but that is the way it is."

Adam Morrison "White Trash"

2007-04-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

The $25,000 Finger

Though Morrison's gesture was rash,
And cost him a big wad of cash,
Inquiring minds want to know,
Why "nappy headed ho",
Is more racist than yellin' "White Trash!"?

Story here: Adam Morrison fined 25K by NBA

Anna Nicole's Legacy

2007-04-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Stern Rebuke

The verdict has finally come in,
On who Pa-Pa'd Dannielynn,
'Twas Larry Birkhead,
who prevailed in bed,
Much to Howard's chagrin!

Story here: DNA Shows Larry Birkhead is Baby's Dad

Texas Hold-em

In the poker game called Dannielynn,
Each player was trying to win,
A paternity game,
For which no-one felt shame,
In admitting to being "all in"!

Three Stooges

Deadbeat Dad's would be very,
Rare if each child did carry,
A claim to the dough,
Dannielynn has in tow,
Just ask Howard, Fred, and Larry!

More here:

Will Anna Nicole find closure,
Now that her fate's decomposure?
Was it a drug that interred her?
Suicide - or murder?
Or death from over-exposure?

Al Sharpton vs. Racism?

2007-04-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

Black and White?

Don Imus' remarks were not pretty,
And Sharpton says, "Fire him! No pity!"
And though Al seems sincere,
Where was he last year,
When New Orleans was dubbed "Chocolate City"?

Story here: Evoking King, Nagin Calls N.O. 'chocolate' city
and here: Two Sides to Imus Story?

Don Imus vs. Rutgers

2007-04-10T17:16:00.000-07:00

Foul Call

Don Imus found Rutgers quite scrappy,
When his trash talk mentioned "ho's nappy",
Now he's kissed on the air,
So much derriere,
Al Sharpton's backside's feeling chappy!

Story here: Don Imus on Al Sharpton's Radio Show

Johnny Hart - B.C./Wizard of ID - Farewell

2007-04-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

While often his faith played a part,
Johnny Hart was a "Wiz" at the art,
And tho' he drew criticisms,
For cartoon catechisms-
He always drew from the heart!

Spokane Medical Examiner

2007-04-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

No Guts - No Story!
In Spokane we have Sally Aiken,
An ME who has heads a shakin',
'Cause though folks are persistent,
She's inquest resistant,
Seems forensics are all but forsaken!

A Hole in the System?
In Spokane if you're fatally shot,
The ME won't trouble a lot,
Just a shrug as it's said-
"There's a hole - this one's dead,"
Spokane CSI it is not!

Backed into a Coroner
Spokane's inquest process is crazy,
And the ME's motives are hazy,
Is the good Dr. Aiken,
Of purpose mistaken,
a bit squeamish - or simply lazy?

Story here: Medical Examiner: No Inquest
and here: Tucker won't push coroner inquest's

Global Warming

2007-04-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

Hot Topic
The mercury has risen on Mars,
But it's not from gas burning cars,
What's making it hot,
Is a blazing sunspot,
The future is writ in the stars!

Story here: Global Warming

Pet Poisoning

2007-04-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Chinese Wall
For China the standard reply,
Whenever there's some hue and cry,
from shootin' down jets,
to poisoning pets,
is deny, deny, deny!

Nancy Pelosi in Syria

2007-04-05T16:24:00.000-07:00

House Maid?
In Syria where Nancy turns cheek,
They already think women weak,
And at home we all wonder,
At this tactical blunder,
Our Speaker should know when to speak!

Two Story House
Nancy Pelosi is off to grandstand,
In Syria she's playing her hand,
But whatever she's thinkin',
Best remember Abe Lincoln,
A "House" divided cannot long stand!

But Syriously....
In Syria where Nancy talks truce,
Women have one basic use,
But there's nothing mysterious,
Why they're takin' her serious,
'Cause any goose has its' use in a ruse!

Story here:
Pelosi Meets Syrian President
and here:
Pelosi stops by Saudi council

Police Fatality-Jerome Alford

2007-04-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

In Spokane the body count swells,
And police are slow with details,
But whatever is heard,
The cops have the last word,
'Cause dead men tell no tales!

Our cops are slow to release,
Details on those they decease,
It's this tight-lipped acclaim,
That has earned them the name,
Of the "Spokane Secret Police"!

Sergeant Torok shot a man who died,
-An act that is claimed justified,
But to retain public trust,
Full disclosure's a must,
-Unless there is something to hide!

Public service is a strange occupation,
When the call is for investigation,
'Cause the party suspected,
Is often corrected,
With an instant paid vacation!

Story here:
Death stuns family, friends
and here:
Police, sheriff 'on same page' after confusion

Summer Phelps

2007-04-04T23:39:00.000-07:00

In Memory of Summer Phelps

Though no parent has an excuse,
For a child that dies from abuse,
The fact that CPS,
Already had the address,
Should have been put to good use!

Once a young child did depend,
On CPS her life to defend,
And tho' her folks are arrested,
And the system's contested,
This Summer has come to an end.

Story here:
System under Scrutiny

Brittany Spears

2007-04-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

Pop Top
First Brittany dropped K-Fed,
Now she's shaven her head,
Did she get drunk,
Go monk, or punk,
Or start channeling Sinnead instead?

Head to Toe
Brittany has shown more skin,
Even than Paris, now when-
From her head to her crotch,
We've seen every swatch,
Oops! She did it again!

Pat Tillman Inquest

2007-04-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

An American Hero
A hero thru and thru,
Pat Tillman's death we rue,
Now silent he lies,
As we're left to surmise,
His superiors were all lying too!

Military Press
Pat Tillman was welcome publicity,
'Til friendly fire with GI complicity,
Sent this brave football starter,
To his grave as a martyr,
And a symbol of Army duplicity!

Slogan, Army Slogan
Pat Tillman made a solemn decree,
And vowed to serve his country,
But it's a tragic war story,
This man destined for glory,
Will never be all he can be!

The Ranger Credo
Pat Tillman served the US with pride,
And though it's a shame how he died,
He yet was a Ranger,
And "No stranger to danger",
It's the cover-up he would have decried!

Story here:
Military:Errors made in Tillman's death

On Limericks

2007-04-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

Prince of Prose?
Of poetry the Limerick is prince,
For few forms of rhyme can condense,
Thought so reflective,
In space so effective,
It's Irish Haiku in a sense!

Water or Wine?
Twain was the first to opine,
That prose be water or wine,
So though Limericks be base,
As in water's case,
More drink base than fine!

Blue Verse
Some Limericks are cheerful and sunny,
While others are ribald and punny,
Though some are quite clean,
Most are obscene,
'Cause the clean ones seldom are funny!

"Blue Verse" was my attempt to re-draft an old Limerick
that I had heard years ago, but was unable to locate the
original version until recently. I'm partial to the updated
version versus the original below - but you be the judge.
Andy

The trouble with Limericks I've seen,
Though each to his own though I ween,
Be that as it may for my money,
The clean ones seldom are funny,
And the funny ones seldom are clean!

...

Ozzie Axes Public Dick

2007-03-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

If Ozzie Knezovich gets his way,
Indecent behavior won’t pay,
You won’t last long,
Danglin’ your schlong,
I think Sheriff Ozzie’s “OK”!

Story here: Detective charged with exposure fired