Department of Lands tells developer "Go Fish!"

In a case of “Deus ex Machina”
The DOL axed Holland’s marina,
As fish too small to fry,
Raised a public outcry,
When the “Big Fish” trashed their arena!

Story here: State rejects developer's marina plans

Blue Mountain Mystery

In those Washington mountains of Blue
There’s sign of a Bigfoot or two,
They leave tracks of a size,
That makes folks realize,
The rest must be pretty big too!

Story here: Data on Sasquatch Piling Up

Police Retrospective

Here's a quick retrospective of the last 10 months of many, but not all, Spokane Police news highlights.

Otto Fatality
In memory of poor Otto Zehm,
The official prognosis is grim,
If a plastic bottle’s enough,
To make cops get rough,
We all could end up like him!

Story here: Fatal Confrontation between Spokane Police and Otto Zehm


Barista Flasher
There’s a Spokane detective Mastel,
With a theory on wooing a belle,
You start acting silly,
Then whip out your willy,
But in practice it ain’t working well!

Story here: A public servant with backbone? Imagine that!



WSP Trick or Treat
In DUI’s there’s quite a chink,
For girls who both drive and drink,
‘Cause a young woman child,
Who’ll act Girls Gone Wild,
Can get herself off with a wink!

Story here: Charges against trooper detailed
and here: Trooper to lose vacation days





Firehouse Fiasco
Two detectives deleted the pics,
That showed a fireman gettin’ his kicks,
Now the girl claims she’s screwed,
And their all getting’ sued,
For the tricks with the pics by the Dicks!

Story here: No charges to be filed in firehouse sex case



Cowboy Cops
In Spokane the young calf came to grief,
Who crossed the fence for grazing relief,
Two cops used their taser,
And French Fried the grazer,
Now the calf’s just barbecued beef!

Story here: Judge reverses herself in calf tasering

Shopping Cart Sociopaths

There’s a secret rogue shopping cartel,
With shopping cart etiquette fell,
They leave carts everywhere,
With carte blanche savoir faire,
And a wake of door dings in their trail!

Racism: When victims become victimizers

Not What Martin Luther King Jr. Meant


‘Neath the guise of PC contentment,
Lies mainstream indignant resentment,
As minorities flaunt
Their new freedom to taunt
-Grapes of wrath grow taut with fermentment.


Story here: Kathleen Parker:The black and white of racist culture

Spokane Police: What are you thinking?

Writers Note: In writing limericks about social misbehavior it seems that a disproportionate amount of my effort is spent on the "Spokane" Police (i.e. SPD, Sheriff's Dept., & WSP). This is not due to a personal bias, but an unfortunate result of area law enforcement dominating recent news with suspicious - sometimes deadly - behavior. In fairness, I have supported both Ozzie Knezovich and Ann Kirkpatrick for their respective stances on police misconduct, as pieces from earlier this year(Anne, Ozzie) illustrate, and hope to continue doing so. Based on the information presently available about the latest police fatality however, this certainly looks like a "What are you thinking?" moment for both of them.
While I'm in favor of law enforcement, and would much rather ridicule dumb criminal behavior than dumb cop behavior, as one local blogger said, "Man...cops up here scare the crap out of me..."(Spokane County Police Tactics Claims 2nd Victim). It's my belief that the best support the public can give good police is to call "BS" on unacceptable behavior - and coverup attempts - until the internal culture that has allowed this type of conduct to thrive is eradicated, and the standing of area law enforcement is restored to one of "respect" versus "fear". In the meantime....

Hogtidings

In a bizarre little hogtirade,
Spokane’s finest are acting dismayed,
Seems “hogtie’s” not PC,
For harsh hogtyranny,
Hence the knotty wordplay charade!

Story here: Drop the use of 'hogtie', police ask

A Rope by Any Other Name...

Spokane’s finest now choose to decry,
The standard use of the word “hogtie”,
"To 'Hobble' or 'Restrain',
Are terms more humane,
For this barbaric technique we apply!"

Story here: Drop the use of 'hogtie' police ask

Blogs-R-Us!

Opinion columns once were the domain,
Of great writers like S.F.'s Herb Caen,
But as Blogging has spread,
The world of Op-Ed,
Means anyone with half a brain!

Story here: Now Blurkers Have Own Hate-Blog Rap Anthem
Lyric by MC Frontalot: I Hate Your Blog

White House ignores Wolfowitz's huffing and puffing

If the White House is getting cold feet,
Then Wolfowitz is marked for defeat,
Those world piggy bank squeals,
Set him back on his heels,
And now the big bad Wolf's in retreat!

Story here: White House Support for Wolfowitz Wavers

Cop-Out!

The Famous have a famous refrain,
"Off to re-hab" is how they explain,
Any public misstep,
And thus salvage their rep-
But with cops, the cop-out's "re-train"!

Story here: Lawyer: Death shows more training needed

Reasonable Force? Of Course!

Deputies Bonney, Wall, Criswell, and Cook,
Apprehended Trent Yohe the crook,
Now the Sheriff commends,
And their technique defends,
-Guess they kicked him to death by the book!

Story here: Questions follow suspect's death

Fiddling while Paris burns?

Paris Hilton's a gauge analytic,
Of the state of the body politic,
Her antics fatigue us,
Yet somehow intrigue us,
We've become a host Parisitic!

Story here: Leonard Pitts Jr.: Don't cry for Paris Hilton

Come Hillary or High Water

There once was a woman named Clinton,
And the campaign trail she went on,
Saying, "I'd sell my soul,
In part or in whole,
'Cause it's the oval office I'm bent on!"

Caption: New York's top D's endorse Hillary

Puhlease!

Before police misbehavior will cease,
The policy for policing police,
must cop to a plea,
of suspect policy,
When only the police police police!

Story here: Suspect tasered in altercation dies
Quote: "Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich activated his department’s “fatal incident protocol,” which calls for an independent investigation by another police agency. The Spokane Police Department is investigating. "

I, Unborn

(Note: The following is not a limerick.)

I,
the condemned,
await my fate alone.
My head gripped by the mask
that hides my face from those who
hold the instruments of my destruction.
Lest they should glimpse the humanity in my eyes
and in that last moment falter and relent
in their determination to punish me
for my crime of inconvenience.
So, like an executioners hood
The womb covers my face,
and my cry goes
unheard.

Related article on the Supreme Court partial birth abortion ruling: Court Takes Civilizing Step

PC pressure mounts for rappers

Those Gangsta rappers making G-rap,
Are now caught in a PC t-rap,
'Cause if naughty goes B-grade,
The bad-boy cred will d-grade,
Either way, they'll be spouting c-rap!

Story here: Record chiefs silent as debate grows over rap lyrics

Spokane Crime Wave

Criminal acts show steady increase,
The abuse and the shootings won't cease,
Peeping toms, DUI's,
But the worst of the rise-
Is that this is just from the police!

Story here: WSP arrests off-duty cop; refusal to take field sobriety test results in automatic DUI arrest

Drop-Out Statistics: Getting Away With Murder

The State drop-out rates lack any cred,
Because kids must report that they've fled,
So the numbers look good,
Just like murder stat's would,
Where the vic's must report themselves dead!

Story here: Dropout rates revised upward

XXX: Good Intentions - Bad Psychology

The motion picture rating's a tool,
To keep violence and sex as a rule,
From young innocent eyes,
But with Cig's it's unwise-
'Cause it's certain to make smoking cool!

Story here: Sex, violence, and now smoking

Gregoire Lowers the Bar

The Washington school system's broken,
So Gregoire is busy revokin',
WASL standards alas,
'Cause for most of the class,
The diploma's largely a token!

Story here: Gregoire put's WASL's math, science portions on hold.

R. Kelly Raps on 5 Years Later

#1
For R. Kelly kid porn's no downfall,
As for five years his trial's in a stall,
But for justice we know,
The wheels sometimes turn slow-
But other times they don't turn at all!
#2
Kelly's porn charge created a flap,
But for five years he's skirted the trap,
With the lengthy delay,
Will the piper he pay,
Or will Kelly be beating the rap?

Story here: Still No Trial Date for Singer R. Kelly

WSP winks at trooper's "tit for tat" DUI swap

WSP credibility bleeds,
As state troopers trade tickets for deeds,
That - bribe or coercion -
Still smack of perversion,
Let's just issue them Mardi Gras beads!

Story here: Haas' angst no jiggling, er, giggling matter

Footnote:

My travels over the last several days took me to the beautiful Clearwater river region of Idaho where I found myself literally "up the creek" with regards to both internet service and news access. It was a pleasant but unexpected disruption to discover there are still places where hotels lack internet capabilities and cell phone service is Verizon or nothing. Who knew?

The Plight of the Honeybee

All those vanishing bee colonies,
Should head the list of urgent queries,
'Cause if they don't survive,
How will we stay alive,
In a world sans the birds and the bees?

Story here: Honeybee Die-off Threatens Food Supply

U of W: Speaker for hire, must be famous!

By a mystery speaker betrayed,
The U of Dub's commencement's waylaid,
And until they acquire,
A new speaker for hire,
They're at a loss for words, I'm afraid!

Story here: Wanted, Commencement speaker, must be famous

DEQ: Aquifer Mousketeers

So now DEQ gets aggressive,
Out levying fines most impressive,
But when BNSF leaked,
3000 gallons they squeaked,
"Please don't be so waste expressive."

Compare story here: Alleged dumper facing big fine (May 3/2007)
to story here: BNSF cleared to reopen fuel depot (May 10/2005)

Cop Tickets Samaritans

"The trophy for callous - I'd own it,"
Said a cop in Twin Falls, "I've shown it-
I wrote tickets with pride,
At a fresh suicide-
My heart has a hole like a donut!"


Story here: Canoeists who pulled suicide victim to shore ticketed

Police Fatalities: Statistical Anomally?

Just consider our cop shooting spree,
as a cluster statistically,
Yet while some seem OK,
A good portion are gray,
Yes, it looks like a "cluster" to me!

Story here: Police shootings occur in clusters

Chinese Chow

The Chinese production machine,
Makes food that portends to be clean,
A few thousand dead pets?
Make a bow - send regrets,
But keep feedin' that pork melamine!

Story here: Food safety fears swell beyond pets

FDA to stop playing games?

While the game is stopping health wreckers,
The FDA has rubberneckers,
But with tainted pet chow -
Even they can see now,
That it's time for some Chinese checkers!

Story here: FDA knew of contamination problems

Where There's Smoke...

All you Idaho breathers beware,
‘Cause prairie grass could once again flare,
Seems that smoke’s still legit,
If the state will permit,
Now if Boise would just clear the air!

Story here: Field burning may resume

Leonard Pitts Jr: Racism OK for "non-bullies"?

All minorities Leonard acquits,
As his rule for behavior permits,
Those not straight, male, or white,
A free license to slight,
Leonard – your rule is the Pitts!

Story here: Following rules in a crass world

Donation Frustration

Can elections be democratic,
When campaigns need gifts so dramatic,
And for sponsors preferred,
Pol's are bent so backward,
To kiss cheeks they wax acrobatic?

Story here: Court takes new look at campaign finance

Olympia:NIMBY

Olympia still thinks us handy,
For dumping offenders most randy,
The state project is nice,
-If we ignore the price-
How ‘bout it Spokane-want some candy?”


Story here: Spokane to be home, where the perverts roam

Where's Osama bin Hidin'?

'Though it's easy to soon grow weary,
Of each new conspiracy theory,
The question downtrodden,
Is "Where is Bin Laden?"
It's GW that I'd like to query!

Left Lane Loafers

On I90 we need to explain,
It's for passing we use the left lane,
Now that's not time or gas-
But it's cars that we pass,
If you loaf in the left you're a pain!

Living the American Nightmare

Warren Buffet's a realist devout,
And as such has been known to tout,
That debt should be viewed,
Like a swim in the nude,
-It's fun ‘til the tide goes out!

Related story: Home flipping is a flop

Lost Cause?

Now the Congress has said what it's said,
That our troops from Iraq should be lead,
But a veto is near,
Can George Bush only hear,
The voices inside his own head?

Story here: Congress tells Bush to bring troops home

Richard Scrushy Reborn?

The TV preachin' bit's a new game,
For Rich Scrushy of scandalous fame,
Though fined $81 mil,
He's out preachin' with weal,
-He might give this new trade a bad name!

Story here: Scrushy settles accounting fraud suit for $81 million
and here: Ex-Health South CEO Walks

Avista: Profits Down - Rates Up

Avista is a true money pit,
Where salaries are more than legit,
And the rate-payer role,
Is to fill up the hole,
Without ever complaining one bit!

Story here: Avista wants 16 percent rate increase

O Captain, My Captain?

Like a captain who's charting her fate,
Hillary plots to be head-of-state,
If she's granted her will,
Then does that make Bill,
An admiral - or just the First Mate?

Story here: Clinton Says Husband Would Be Ambassador

Let's Toast those Burgers

Hudson's Hamburgers is grown quite old,
100 years of burgers they've sold,
For just buns and meat,
It's a show hard to beat,
-May their griddle then never grow cold!

Story here: 100 years of Hudsons

Wolf Whistle

At World Bank they cannot ignore,
How Wolfowitz chanced to explore,
Some assets most physical,
But now that they're quizzical,
He's howlin' - 'cause the Wolf's at the door!

Story here: World Bank committe rejects Wolfowitz hearing - lawyer
and here: Wolfowitz scandal is a lesson

The House That D'vain Built

Of Cd'A tycoons there's one,
Who's been building a house in the sun,
But now as remarks stir up,
It's said even in Europe,
"Vat has d'vain Haga done?"

Story Here: Bringing sprawl to California
and here: UK article- Mansion shatters calm of California

Limerick Note: Of the various types of limerick, this a style known to some enthusiasts as a "Beecher", because the first of its' type was penned by Oliver Wendell Holmes for his friend, Henry Ward Beecher. The object of the limerick being to conceal the name of the subject in the body- usually in the last line. Oliver Wendell Holmes' original goes:

The hen is an elegant creature
Said the great Congregationist preacher:
The hen, for all that
Laid an egg in his hat --
Thus did the hen reward Beecher.