Where's Osama bin Hidin'?

'Though it's easy to soon grow weary,
Of each new conspiracy theory,
The question downtrodden,
Is "Where is Bin Laden?"
It's GW that I'd like to query!

Left Lane Loafers

On I90 we need to explain,
It's for passing we use the left lane,
Now that's not time or gas-
But it's cars that we pass,
If you loaf in the left you're a pain!

Living the American Nightmare

Warren Buffet's a realist devout,
And as such has been known to tout,
That debt should be viewed,
Like a swim in the nude,
-It's fun ‘til the tide goes out!

Related story: Home flipping is a flop

Lost Cause?

Now the Congress has said what it's said,
That our troops from Iraq should be lead,
But a veto is near,
Can George Bush only hear,
The voices inside his own head?

Story here: Congress tells Bush to bring troops home

Richard Scrushy Reborn?

The TV preachin' bit's a new game,
For Rich Scrushy of scandalous fame,
Though fined $81 mil,
He's out preachin' with weal,
-He might give this new trade a bad name!

Story here: Scrushy settles accounting fraud suit for $81 million
and here: Ex-Health South CEO Walks

Avista: Profits Down - Rates Up

Avista is a true money pit,
Where salaries are more than legit,
And the rate-payer role,
Is to fill up the hole,
Without ever complaining one bit!

Story here: Avista wants 16 percent rate increase

O Captain, My Captain?

Like a captain who's charting her fate,
Hillary plots to be head-of-state,
If she's granted her will,
Then does that make Bill,
An admiral - or just the First Mate?

Story here: Clinton Says Husband Would Be Ambassador

Let's Toast those Burgers

Hudson's Hamburgers is grown quite old,
100 years of burgers they've sold,
For just buns and meat,
It's a show hard to beat,
-May their griddle then never grow cold!

Story here: 100 years of Hudsons

Wolf Whistle

At World Bank they cannot ignore,
How Wolfowitz chanced to explore,
Some assets most physical,
But now that they're quizzical,
He's howlin' - 'cause the Wolf's at the door!

Story here: World Bank committe rejects Wolfowitz hearing - lawyer
and here: Wolfowitz scandal is a lesson

The House That D'vain Built

Of Cd'A tycoons there's one,
Who's been building a house in the sun,
But now as remarks stir up,
It's said even in Europe,
"Vat has d'vain Haga done?"

Story Here: Bringing sprawl to California
and here: UK article- Mansion shatters calm of California

Limerick Note: Of the various types of limerick, this a style known to some enthusiasts as a "Beecher", because the first of its' type was penned by Oliver Wendell Holmes for his friend, Henry Ward Beecher. The object of the limerick being to conceal the name of the subject in the body- usually in the last line. Oliver Wendell Holmes' original goes:

The hen is an elegant creature
Said the great Congregationist preacher:
The hen, for all that
Laid an egg in his hat --
Thus did the hen reward Beecher.

Well Endowed: Poet Laureate

A Washington poet did say,
As his savings dwindled away,
"I could use a stipend,
From an art loving friend,
'Cause it seems that rhyme doesn't pay!"

Story here: 'A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou?'
and here: Democrats turn wish list into reality (see: Poet Laureate)

Ethical Dilemma

Red Vs. Blue

In Washington each party rips,
The other for ethical slips,
While mudslingers rejoice,
For the voter the choice,
Is like picking the Bloods or the Crips!

Story here: Ethics problem dims GOP hopes of comeback

Breaking News!!!

Hey, 29 Words fans! We received some good press today. Check out Spokesman Review correspondent Frank Sennett's Rhyme time's prime time for limerick blogs article here!

If you're visiting 29 Words for the first time, "Welcome!". The 29 Words goal is to redefine the limerick as a vehicle for the humorous critique of social/political topics. On occasion, a few "just-for-fun" pieces are included as well. Finally, since there is no political agenda, 29 Words is an "equal opportunity annoyer", with topics dictated by the daily news. The hope is to bring both a chuckle and a pause for thought at the same time. Enjoy! Andy

RBucks

Since Starbuck's came on the scene,
They've changed the world of caffeine,
Now all over town,
We're addicted to brown,
'Cause they're addicted to green!

Story here: Starbuck's is a hit

Loco Parentis?

Seems political parties are styled,
Like a custody battle gone wild,
Where the "parents" sole goal,
Becomes keeping control,
To the complete neglect of the child!

Grand Theft Auto

If Spokane were still the Old West,
We could lay those horse thieves to rest,
But now car thefts persist,
'Cause a slap on the wrist,
Is no match for a good necktie fest!

Story here: Auto thefts up sharply last year

Alberto Gonzales: D.C. Law

........Just Politics

Now the AG from favor does fall,
For allowing a partisan pall,
To descend - and disgust us,
'Cause with partisan justice,
There is really no justice at all!

Story here: Gonzales: Firings Were Justified

California Reamin'

Palm Desert feels distress and dismay,
Because Hagadone's gotten his way,
With sweet talk and lies,
Can Idaho sympathize?
"Here, have a geranium bouquet!"

Story here: Battling the monster on the hill

RIM Shot

Seems the tech world has no fallback,
For a sudden Blackberry lack,
On the thumb we've become,
So dependent we're dumb,
Whenever the Berry's go black!


Stories: Blackberry Service Being Restored
.........Blackberry System Failure Snarls Service

School of Hard Knocks

It seems College lenders have earned,
Big bucks from those students they've burned,
As with loans overpriced,
The incautious were iced,
- Well, the first lesson's learned!

Story here: Student loan scandal pushes Congress to act

Avista: Profit Outage Doesn't Dim VIP Compensation

At Avista there's shocking abuse,
As V.I.P comp is quite loose,
And from the rate-payer sucks,
Some megawatt bucks,
For the fat cats feeling the juice!

When Avista's traders had losses,
The rate-payers carried the crosses,
But though regulated,
When profits were stated,
The rewards all went to the bosses!

Stories here: Avista profits diminished by trading subsidiary
Avista execs get big bumps in 2006 salary

A few for the Critics

As the suitability of limericks as a vehicle for serious topics continues to be debated by the Spokesman Review, here, here, and here, vs. being solely conscripted by bawdy humor or raw wit, it only seems fair to add a few more thoughts - for fun.

Now some will call limericks a waste,
And others find them lacking in taste,
But 'til this sort of rhyme,
Is a capital crime,
I am happy to write lower caste!

It seems Puns are a challenging lot,
As all of them require some thought,
But the key to a pun,
And to keeping it fun,
Is to strike while the irony's hot!

Joey Crawford hangs up Spurs

Tim Duncan's ejection for sass,
Has the Ref at odds with the brass,
As the boot most furious,
Was decidedly spurious,
'Cause the zebra was really an ass!

Story here:Referee Crawford suspended for actions toward Duncan ejection

The Limerick Controversy Continues

Spokane Review journalist Dan Webster has also weighed in on the "limerick controversy" in his blog today. Read his positive comments here.

A Time For Grief

No matter which agenda they back,
And guns -pro or con- they attack,
The timing is lame,
To play the blame game,
While mourners are still dressed in black!

"Dark" Criticism

While I usually limit posts to the limerick(s) for the day, recently "29 Words or Less" faced both criticism and support in blogs written or moderated by reporters for the Spokesman Review for treatment of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Oddly, the criticism was not because the sensitive topic was mocked or passed off lightly, but rather because it was treated with utmost sincerity and concern for the victims and their families - within the constraints of the limerick medium however - which a few readers felt was an unsuitable format for such condolence.
While I'm in agreement that the limerick has earned the reputation of being the party animal of poetic endeavors, I believe it has an unpretentiousness and versatility that allow it to cover a wide range of topics successfully both with or without humorous content, and do so in a compact sound-bite package. Employed in this fashion the limerick is not unlike a political cartoon vs. a "funnies" comic, a Punch and Judy puppet show, or an old fashioned Nursery Rhyme (often a thin disguise for social or political commentary).
My effort then is to take this bawdy bad boy of prose, dress him in a suit and comb his hair, and put him on a "stage" like a Leno, Letterman, or O'Brien. Ideally the natural, raw, stand-up comic edginess is offset with a measure of intellectual civility and wit resulting in a charmingly unpredictable companion with a dangerous edge. On some days however, when the news is somber beyond belief, wit has to be set aside for sincerity, whether it pleases the critics or not.
The following is another example of a contemplative work in a limerick format. I hope it provokes thought and not offense. Sincerely, Andy.

Our troops have been sent to Iraq,
And some won't be coming back.
As patriots loyal,
Do they toil for oil,
Tradin' pints of red for black?

29 Words is Pilloried!

The Controversial Limerick!

Serious comics are acceptable style,
Both political and critical while,
The limerick seems cursed,
As unsuitably versed,
If its’ topic is not juvenile!

Lest our history of prose be forgot,
Nursery rhymes are a serious lot,
Though “Ring Around the Rosies” is vague,
It evokes the Black Plague,
Mother Goose- She ought to be shot!

See story: here and here

Virginia Tech Tragedy

Our respects to the missing we pay,
and for all those remaining we pray,
though no words can express,
our heartfelt distress,
for the loss that you've suffered today.

link here: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/breaking/story.asp?ID=9512

Attorney General Gonzales

General Anesthesia

As the Attorney of highest profile,
Is Gonzales becoming senile?
Or is sudden amnesia,
PR anesthesia,
To numb inquiries during denial?


Alberto "Jaws" Gonzales

For lawyers the shark is a symbol,
And with truth they're taught to be nimble,
So with the U.S. AG,
The biggest fish in that sea,
It's small wonder the man can dissemble!

Link here: 'Hazy memories' cited in attorney firings

Beware the Ides of April

Each year here in the U.S.,
We share a common distress,
On April 15,
We say "Good-bye" to the green,
and "Hello" to the IRS!

Catholic Settlement: The Guilt Trap

Collective guilt's a strategic spin,
A ploy to suck innocents in,
'Cause if one must atone,
For knowledge alone,
Is God then guilty of sin?

Story here: Settlement next step in rebuilding diocese

There's a New "Sheriff" In Town

There's a new top cop in Spokane,
She's a Kirkpatrick named Ann,
With a woman in charge,
Will house cleaning loom large,
Now that Ann is "the Man"?

Story here: Police ombudsman proposed

Heather Locklear - 11 Year Itch

Heather Locklear divorced Motley Crue,
Now it's quits with Bon Jovi too,
So the next question big,
Is where's the new gig,
The Beatles, the Stones, or the Who?

Heather's a tad sentimental,
For guys who wax instrumental,
But she's canned her rock drummer,
And now exed-out her strummer,
Is this fondness for bands detrimental?

Musicians make Heather quite hot,
With rockers most hard she's besot,
'Cause from Tommy's drumsticks,
To Richie's hot licks,
Band members seem to find her soft spot!

Store here: Heather Locklear & Richie Sambora's Divorce Final
and here: Sambora Blindsided by Locklear's Divorce Announcement

Happy Friday the 13th!

Friday the 13th is here,
But superstitions give me no fear,
With scissors I'll run,
Juggle knives just for fun,
Maybe try catching a s
..............................p
.................................e
....................................a
.......................................r
..........................................
............................................
.............................................!!!!!

If the Spokane Diocese were Enron-

If the Diocese and Enron were twin,
Each rife with institutional sin,
Would stockholders pay,
To bail out Ken Lay?
Or would Bishops be sent to the pen?

Bishop asked to resign

Skylstad's proposal will make budgets tighter,
And the offering plates 30 Mil lighter,
And now the innocents say,
"Why should we have to pay?
Our Bishop should fall on his mitre!"

The faithful feel strong indignation,
And call for the prompt resignation,
Of the leaders who swept,
'neath the rug so adept,
behavior deserving damnation!

Story here: Bishop Skylstad asked to resign

Catholic frustration runs deep,
With leaders who forced them to keep,
Priests with predilections,
For unnatural affections,
And now are blaming the sheep!

The priests who abused the few,
Now fleece the sheep in the pew,
As the Spokane diocese,
Owes millions in fees,
For things the flock didn't do!

Seems Skylstad excels at the game,
Of shifting the finger of blame,
By saying guilty are "we"-
Which includes laity!
For years of sex abuse shame!

Quote: Office of the Bishop: "We are the perpetrators of the abuse. That "we" is the perceived community of bishops, priests, and laity, in communities over a 50-year period. You may not like being in that "we," but that is the way it is."

Adam Morrison "White Trash"

The $25,000 Finger

Though Morrison's gesture was rash,
And cost him a big wad of cash,
Inquiring minds want to know,
Why "nappy headed ho",
Is more racist than yellin' "White Trash!"?

Story here: Adam Morrison fined 25K by NBA

Anna Nicole's Legacy

Stern Rebuke

The verdict has finally come in,
On who Pa-Pa'd Dannielynn,
'Twas Larry Birkhead,
who prevailed in bed,
Much to Howard's chagrin!

Story here: DNA Shows Larry Birkhead is Baby's Dad

Texas Hold-em

In the poker game called Dannielynn,
Each player was trying to win,
A paternity game,
For which no-one felt shame,
In admitting to being "all in"!

Three Stooges

Deadbeat Dad's would be very,
Rare if each child did carry,
A claim to the dough,
Dannielynn has in tow,
Just ask Howard, Fred, and Larry!

More here:

Will Anna Nicole find closure,
Now that her fate's decomposure?
Was it a drug that interred her?
Suicide - or murder?
Or death from over-exposure?

Al Sharpton vs. Racism?

Black and White?

Don Imus' remarks were not pretty,
And Sharpton says, "Fire him! No pity!"
And though Al seems sincere,
Where was he last year,
When New Orleans was dubbed "Chocolate City"?

Story here: Evoking King, Nagin Calls N.O. 'chocolate' city
and here: Two Sides to Imus Story?

Don Imus vs. Rutgers

Foul Call

Don Imus found Rutgers quite scrappy,
When his trash talk mentioned "ho's nappy",
Now he's kissed on the air,
So much derriere,
Al Sharpton's backside's feeling chappy!

Story here: Don Imus on Al Sharpton's Radio Show

Johnny Hart - B.C./Wizard of ID - Farewell

While often his faith played a part,
Johnny Hart was a "Wiz" at the art,
And tho' he drew criticisms,
For cartoon catechisms-
He always drew from the heart!

Spokane Medical Examiner

No Guts - No Story!
In Spokane we have Sally Aiken,
An ME who has heads a shakin',
'Cause though folks are persistent,
She's inquest resistant,
Seems forensics are all but forsaken!

A Hole in the System?
In Spokane if you're fatally shot,
The ME won't trouble a lot,
Just a shrug as it's said-
"There's a hole - this one's dead,"
Spokane CSI it is not!

Backed into a Coroner
Spokane's inquest process is crazy,
And the ME's motives are hazy,
Is the good Dr. Aiken,
Of purpose mistaken,
a bit squeamish - or simply lazy?

Story here: Medical Examiner: No Inquest
and here: Tucker won't push coroner inquest's

Global Warming

Hot Topic
The mercury has risen on Mars,
But it's not from gas burning cars,
What's making it hot,
Is a blazing sunspot,
The future is writ in the stars!

Story here: Global Warming

Pet Poisoning

Chinese Wall
For China the standard reply,
Whenever there's some hue and cry,
from shootin' down jets,
to poisoning pets,
is deny, deny, deny!

Nancy Pelosi in Syria

House Maid?
In Syria where Nancy turns cheek,
They already think women weak,
And at home we all wonder,
At this tactical blunder,
Our Speaker should know when to speak!

Two Story House
Nancy Pelosi is off to grandstand,
In Syria she's playing her hand,
But whatever she's thinkin',
Best remember Abe Lincoln,
A "House" divided cannot long stand!

But Syriously....
In Syria where Nancy talks truce,
Women have one basic use,
But there's nothing mysterious,
Why they're takin' her serious,
'Cause any goose has its' use in a ruse!

Story here:
Pelosi Meets Syrian President
and here:
Pelosi stops by Saudi council

Police Fatality-Jerome Alford

In Spokane the body count swells,
And police are slow with details,
But whatever is heard,
The cops have the last word,
'Cause dead men tell no tales!

Our cops are slow to release,
Details on those they decease,
It's this tight-lipped acclaim,
That has earned them the name,
Of the "Spokane Secret Police"!

Sergeant Torok shot a man who died,
-An act that is claimed justified,
But to retain public trust,
Full disclosure's a must,
-Unless there is something to hide!

Public service is a strange occupation,
When the call is for investigation,
'Cause the party suspected,
Is often corrected,
With an instant paid vacation!

Story here:
Death stuns family, friends
and here:
Police, sheriff 'on same page' after confusion

Summer Phelps

In Memory of Summer Phelps

Though no parent has an excuse,
For a child that dies from abuse,
The fact that CPS,
Already had the address,
Should have been put to good use!

Once a young child did depend,
On CPS her life to defend,
And tho' her folks are arrested,
And the system's contested,
This Summer has come to an end.


Story here:
System under Scrutiny

Brittany Spears

Pop Top
First Brittany dropped K-Fed,
Now she's shaven her head,
Did she get drunk,
Go monk, or punk,
Or start channeling Sinnead instead?

Head to Toe
Brittany has shown more skin,
Even than Paris, now when-
From her head to her crotch,
We've seen every swatch,
Oops! She did it again!